Go to music encyclopedia directory The following hilarious historical account was submitted to the IRTRAD-L mailing list by Pat O'Reilly, and is reproduced here by permission. Some of the humour requires a considerable knowledge of Irish music. A few explanations have been supplied.
| 1 AD | Despite being occupied by the Romans, the English invade Ireland and steal all the indigenous music |
| 90 AD | Fiddle given to the Irish by the fairies. |
| 91 AD | Lambeg Drum introduced to drown out the pesky fiddles. |
| 440 | St Patrick demonstrates the trinity in using three parts in one tune, three drones on one bagpipe, and finally settles on the shamrock, shillelagh and leprechaun—three icons in one culture. |
| 1066 | The Normans invade England and replace the stolen Irish dances with round dances. |
| 1200 | A tin whistle made of bone is buried in Dublin. |
| 1279 | Brian Boru invents the harp. |
| 1290 | Marc O'Polo Soprani brings gigs (jigs) to Ireland. |
| 1358 | The ocarina introduced to Irish music at the first Ballykillferrit Duck Bottom Blowing festival. Note: this is a reference to a very funny programme that was on the radio in Ireland. Ballykillferrit is the home of the Ayatollah Céilí Band. |
| 1520 | Damhsa invented. |
| 1640 | English invade Ireland again. |
| 1760 | Hornpipe timing changed from triple time to Greenwich Mean Time. |
| 1761 | Fast air changed to slow air. |
| 1774 | Thomas Paine inspired to write a book, The Rights of Man, after hearing an Irish hornpipe. |
| 1724 | Turlough O'Carolan introduces the Planxty to Irish tourism—an early form of bed and breakfast. |
| 1725 | O'Carolan arrested after demanding "Tabhair Dom Do Lámh Mála" ("Give me your handbag"). |
| 1792 | The first Blind Harpers' convention is held in Belfast. Edward Bunting is employed to transcribe but can't keep up. He cheats knowing that no one will check. |
| 1796 | First attempt at closed system central heating results in the Uilleann pipes. |
| 1798 | 1798 |
| 1829 | Wheatstone creates concertina by adding bellows to his telegraph machine to make a portable military communications system. |
| 1830 | Concertina adopted by Clare Salvation Army parachute regiment. |
| 1850s | Irish invade America and England. |
| 1874 | Hohner invents the button accordion by fixing bellows to Christopher L. Sholes' new invention—the typewriter. |
| 1879 | Francis O'Neill starts the Great Fire of Chicago in order to elicit work for Irish immigrant musicians as firemen. |
| 1905 | Gaelic League in London discovers Dead Sea Scrolls containing Irish dance movements. |
| 1909 | First ground breaking recordings by a group of post-structuralist Irish pianists including Eileen O'Shea, John Muller, Ed Greoghan, Ed Lee, Herb G. Henry. Accompanied by an unreconstructed fiddler from Sligo, Michael Coleman, the new art music is widely misunderstood. |
| 1931 | John Reidy, inventor of the bodhrán, is born in County Cork. |
| 1935 | In Ireland the clergy demand the introduction of birth control methods. |
| 1936 | Dance Hall Act rushed through. |
| 1950s | Irish invade England. |
| 1951 | Comhaltas Ceoltóirí Éireann formed to restore the Irish fireside to national prominence. |
| 1956 | Gang warfare breaks out as ringlets, empire waisted dresses and demonic effigies introduced to Irish step dancing. |
| 1959 | Ronny Drew introduces sean nós to Ireland. |
| 1963 | Seán Ó Ríada introduces the tuxedo to Irish traditional music. |
| 1967 | Paddy Moloney introduces the "yip" to the uilleann pipes. |
| 1966 | Johnny Moynihan introduces the kazoo to Irish music. |
| 1967 | Johnny Moynihan introduces the bombard to Irish music. |
| 1972 | Planxty forms in a second hand clothes shop in the old mining town of Prosperous. |
| 1973 | Chieftains record their last album of Irish music. |
| 1974 | Christy Moore's voice drops 2 octaves. |
| 1975 | The Bothy Band demonstrates that Irish traditional music can thrive in the "not for profit" enterprise economy. |
| 1981 | Dead Sea Scroll discovered outlining use of arms in Irish step dancing. |
| 1993 | Mary Robinson declares Irish to be a global nation, removing the need for further invasion. |
| 1995 | President Bill Clinton visits the North and states "the harp and the fiddle, the fife and the lambeg drum, two proud traditions are coming together in the harmonies of peace". Pub sessions everywhere empty. |
| 1996 | Michael Flatley re-introduces sex to Irish dance. The Riverdance audience is packed with clergy. |
| 1996 | Irish invade Britain and impose cultural imperialism, forcing all pubs to change to an Irish theme, all pop music to contain fiddle and all West End dance shows to feature Irish step dancing. |
| 1997 | Flatley leaves Riverdance to start a Vatican sponsored show, Lord of the Dance. Bishop of Ballykillmusic condemns show as being too ecumenical. |
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